The sour morning tea and the raisin cookies;

150 grams of shit in the form of fast food have just entered my body,
lightly, almost without comprehension, as if it was the most natural
process on earth.

Same as the 78 kilograms he must have weighed (for his astonishing height,
astonishing in my fatal lack of), when he almost entered my body, a panic,
such frailness, such heaviness, i could have never imagined such a spineless
wimp would have weighed so much, as i was crushed underneath his shocking mass.

and the hiss of great absence, a hand against one's thigh, making it
a part of the humanoid and its cells, so that i can live again, not to
be merely imprisoned inside the creature-mind, passively hovering in space.

my sickness has gotten worse, roughly around the time that the clock hit the
capital "six", the black dots had appeared, horrifying dyspnoeic blackness,
accompanied by a slow-burning, ultrasonic, rip-roaring racket.

like a siren-bell, and i am in its bubble.
almost passed down on the floor, stumbling, grabbed the left corner of the bed, laid down, safe, saved.

the beautiful sugarmaze at the bottom of the cup,
i have not beaten the inner demon, it grows thicker into the immune system,
it knows me better than myself, calmly capturing every thought, into a deadlike sleep, somehow interfering repeatedly with paralyzing horror.
"what will be? how can i know for certain?"

By

Moo Ou, Dec 07